Moving Towards Radical Acceptance
this is going to be messy!
I used to talk about radical acceptance often as a photographer, and I still do. You know, the whole “your body doesn’t need to change, capitalism just wants you to think it does” thing. I’m often preaching about moving away from toxic body positivity (which, let’s be honest, often just becomes another way to sell you shit) and towards actual acceptance. The slow, iterative, often frustrating process of accepting what is instead of fighting for what we think should be.
But lately? I’ve been thinking about radical acceptance in a completely different context. One I never saw coming
Oh and in the spirit of keeping this as real as it comes all photos in this post are straight outta my phone and taken in the last month.
What You Can Expect
This post is about my messy, ongoing journey toward radically accepting my parenting experience, one that looks nothing like I imagined. I’m talking about raising a neurodivergent child with a PDA profile, high support needs, the privilege and pressure that comes with that, how it’s changed my business and art practice, and why the outside world makes this process so much harder than it needs to be. If you’re in your own season of radical acceptance, I hope this resonates.
TL;DR
Radical acceptance isn’t a magic pill or a five-step program, how I wish it was I would sign up in a hot minute and bring
a friend! In actuality it’s a slow, iterative process of sitting with hard truths. For me, it’s meant accepting that my parenting journey, family life, personal life (what the heck is that!?) and business will look different than I imagined.
It also means working toward acceptance as an artist and entrepreneur, getting pickier with my time, and breaking away from capitalist expectations. It’s messy, it ebbs and flows, and if you’re going through something similar, you’re not alone
a birds
eye view
into our real, raw,
radically ACCEPTING life
The Loss I Didn’t Expect
Raising a child with multiple disabilities and high support needs wasn’t on my bingo card. I mean, is it ever on anyone’s? I think not. My son is autistic, ADHD, PDA and has ben said to have what is known to be a ‘spikey profile’. And along with all that came mental health challenges to follow, it’s been brutal to say the least. We had to pull him from school. I’ve had to slow down as a business owner and artist, I’ve lost friendships and like many of my clients have shared with me, I’ve often even felt like I have lost a sense of self.
We’ve poured endless hours and emotional labor into advocating for and supporting our child.
And here’s the thing I need to say upfront: while we had to do this, we’re also aware we have the privilege to do so. Many families don’t. That reality hurts my heart and pisses me off in equal measure, which is part of why I want to do more advocacy work, and am sharing this here today.
Because here’s what nobody tells you: the supports out there are often impossibly hard to reach. Just last week, I found out about a program through the Ministry of Child Services that no one has mentioned to us, despite being told we’ve been in crisis mode since our son was eight. He’s eleven now. You do the math.
So yeah, I’m working toward radically accepting these daily challenges. And let me tell you, it’s not easy.
What Radical Acceptance Actually Looks
Like for me…Spoiler: It’s Not Pretty
There’s the loss of autonomy, speaking of which I often think I too am PDA, more on that in another post to come.
The loss of time to create and do what I love. But mostly, there’s the loss of the child I once knew, one who laughed freely and enjoyed the sun on his face, new foods and exploring new places. There’s acceptance of endless tech and screen and noise, oh the noise!
And then comes the loss of an idea, an idea of what our family would be doing. Halloween just passed, and we couldn’t participate the way I’d imagined. Summer holidays we’re unable to take. The small, ordinary moments other families seem to navigate effortlessly that feel impossible for us. No invitations from others and what often feels like extreme isolation from the world and friends we once held dear who have shown their compassion meter needs a tune up.
Though a dear friend I made through it all (love you Helenka!), reflected to me today that I sound like I’m getting there with acceptance. And maybe yesterday that was true. But I can assure you, today my heart is heavy. That’s the thing about radical acceptance, it’s not linear. It’s ebb and flow as my friend also shared how it is for her. It’s baby steps forward and then days where you’re back at square one, sitting in the grief of it all.
I’ve accepted that things will be different. And they will continue to be different and evolve. I’ve made peace with that much, but I still struggle, a lot.
The Weight of the Outside World
But here’s the hardest part about radical acceptance: it’s not just about making peace with your own reality. It’s about navigating the outside world while you do it. It’s about grieving and it’s about finding new people that get you.
The pressures we feel. The shame we hold. The sadness we carry, often in solitude, because sharing it all with a neurotypical world that just doesn’t get it is damn exhausting.
People don’t know what to say, so they say nothing. Or worse, they say the wrong thing, ohhh the wrong things… grown. You know those “well-meaning” but ultimately dismissive comments like “all kids are hard” or “he’ll grow out of it.”
No. This is different. And pretending it’s not doesn’t help anyone, so thanks but no thanks.
So as I move towards radical acceptance with my family life, I’m also moving towards it as an artist, creative,
and entrepreneur.
What Radical Acceptance Means for My Business,
and my artistry
For me, acceptance means getting pickier with who I work with. I like to joke that I am exclusively inclusive!
My time is even more precious than before, and I’m not apologizing for that. It means being okay with not being for everyone, and honestly, that’s quite liberating.
It means knowing some of my goals will alter, and that’s okay. It means I’m putting my family first, and while I’m allowed to be frustrated by that, I also feel so good that I’m breaking away from capitalist norms. I’m okay with less if it means my kid doesn’t fall through the cracks.
I was joking with my husband (who’s a project manager by day but musician by weekend) that we’re true artist bohemians. We’re not trying to keep up with the Joneses. We’re finding our own way, one that’s rooted in our
socialist values and prioritizes what actually matters. While it would be nice, we know we don’t need another vehicle or annual holidays that in many ways do not align with our environmental commitments. So ya, it’s not all bad.
I also feel like this shift has pulled me back into connecting with the type of photography I love, work that is deeply emotive and creative. I am really excited to see what I create moving forward. I have ideas. I have inspiration,
and most of all I have intention to come back to what brought me to love photography in the first place.
Sorry but there There’s No Magic Formula
I have no tips to share on how I’ve started to inch my way toward radical acceptance, other than this: I had a choice.
Either take those baby steps and sit with all the emotions around it, or push against it. And even as I write that second option, I felt my body clench. Because I have enough pushing to do already.
Capitalism tells us there’s always a solution, a course, a vitamin, a productivity hack, a five-step system, maybe even an ap or filter that can take our problems away. But radical acceptance doesn’t work that way. There’s no magic wand. There’s just the slow, iterative process of sitting with what is, feeling all the feelings, and choosing (again and again) to keep moving forward.
Some days that looks like progress. Other days it looks like survival. Both are valid.
You’re Not Alone in the Mess
So if you’re in a stage of your life where you need to move toward radical acceptance, whatever that looks like for you, know that it’s messy. It’s not Instagram-worthy. It doesn’t follow a timeline.
And you are absolutely not alone.
I am beyond grateful for my small handful of friends who help me feel less alone. Big extra love to Helenka and Adrianne who are mamas walking the same same but different path and together we offer each other space to process, to cry and to laugh at all that it is, together. Love you ladies!
Some days that looks like progress. Other days it looks like survival. Both are valid.
The Surprising Gift in the Struggle
Here’s what I didn’t expect: moving toward radical acceptance has pushed us closer to our personal values in a way that actually feels… dare I say refreshing? I know that sounds wild when I’m also talking about grief and loss, but the truth is we can hold both.
This journey has rooted us in slowing down. We don’t need to acquire so much money just to buy more things to feed the capitalist machine. We’re not chasing the next purchase, the bigger house, the fancier car. Instead, we’re connecting with small joys and wins, the kind that capitalism tells us don’t matter but actually matter most.
We’re more rooted in our home. Lately, we’ve been connecting with the land around us, learning about it, paying attention. There’s something grounding about that, literally.
This path has also offered up space to get involved in community activism. To show up for others. To use our privilege to push for better supports and systems. To be loud about what needs to change. And here’s the real kicker: it reminds us that it doesn’t matter if our son goes to university or not. We do not want our child to be measured by what he acquires: education-wise or asset-wise, and nor will we. This is a big part of our radical acceptance journey and like i said before it too ebbs and flows, and we keep reminding ourselves that all this crap we are fed that we need to be “successful” truly is dictated and measured by capitalism.
We are working towards being happy in our hearts knowing we did it our way. A way that’s truly values-aligned. A way that prioritizes connection over achievement, presence over productivity, being over doing.
Again, I know there’s privilege in what often feels like loss. We can hold both. The grief and the gratitude. The loss and the liberation.
Summary
Radical acceptance is a process, not a destination. For me, it’s meant accepting my parenting journey with a neurodivergent child, the changes to my business and creative practice, and the reality that things will never look
like I imagined.
It’s also meant confronting the privilege I have to make these choices while so many families don’t, which fuels my desire to advocate for better supports. The hardest part isn’t the internal work, (ok I won’t lie, that shit is HARD af!) it’s navigating the pressures, shame, and isolation that come from an outside world that doesn’t understand.
There’s no magic formula, no productivity hack, no course that will get you there. Just baby steps, hard emotions, and the choice to keep going. If you’re in your own season of radical acceptance, I see you. Feel free to share what’s helped you in the comments, I’d love to learn from my fellow radical accepting folks out there.
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Here’s to the messy and the radical!
Thanks for Reading!
Hi I’m Michele Mateus, an award winning Vancouver Portrait Photographer specialized intimate portraits with an artistic editorial edge.
When you work with me you can expect depth in your photos and ease in your experience. I offer photoshoots across Metro Vancouver serving Vancouver, Fraser Valley, Langley, Abbotsford, Squamish, Burnaby, Surrey, North Vancouver, West Vancouver, New Westminster and the Great Vancouver area.
Book a chat with to learn more about working with me!
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