The No-BS Guide to Actually Getting Mother’s Day Right

MEN, WE GOTTA TALK…

Because it’s time to get it right for once!

Let’s be honest – men often leave things to the last minute, get women gifts they don’t want, take no consideration, fail to connect, don’t give moms a day off, and then sulk when they don’t get the reaction they expected.

Women are tired of being the ones who bring the magic on special days, we are tired of carrying the emotional load and quite frankly so many of us are over it! I wrote this to both bring some levity to a hard day today (Mother’s Day 2025) and also after hearing so many friends share similar things, I thought why not write a blog post to share some ideas that might help with some practical ideas on how to celebrate moms. Of course this list is not conclusive, and may not be resonate for all, which is ok.

Now listen, this is not about being greedy, and wanting fancy gifts, it’s about wanting to feel like you are being seen.
Dudes, we love you but you often let us down and we want to feel appreciated without having to hold your hand
every damn step of the way.

So here’s my straightforward guide with 101 ways men can honor the mothers of their children, especially around Mother’s Day. If you are no longer together with the mother of your child, still consider many of these points because your children need to see their mothers being respected, and these might help you for next time you do have a partner.

Oh and before you get your tighty whities in a knot thinking *not all men* cool cool, this isn’t for them, keep calm and carry on.

I dedicate this post to all the amazing mama’s that I know, many who contributed to this list, that deserve to be appreciated daily. I am inspired by each and everyone one of you badasses, thank you for your friendship and the shining light that you are!

Everyday Basics (That Shouldn’t Need Explaining)

1. Actually ask what she wants instead of guessing (and listen to the answer)
2. Take the kids for a full day without calling to ask where things are
3. Finish the projects you started months ago instead of starting new ones
4. Remember important dates without being reminded Do the dishes without being asked or expecting a medal
5. Fold the laundry AND put it away where it actually belongs
6. Plan meals and buy all ingredients ahead of time (not 10 minutes before dinner)
7. Make her coffee without asking how she likes it (you should know by now)
8. Stop asking where things are that you should know the location of
9. Clean a bathroom properly (not just wiping the sink)
10. Wipe the damn counter in the bathroom AND clean the toilet without being asked!
11. Take over the mental load of meal planning for a week
12. Don’t complain when plans change because of kid stuff Handle bedtime routine solo (including the 47 requests for water) Remember her favorite snacks/treats and keep them stocked

Mother’s Day Specifics

1. Acknowledge that Mother’s Day might be complicated or hard for her – check in emotionally
2. Skip the sad grocery store flowers grabbed last-minute (put in some actual thought)
3. Don’t put the Mother’s Day planning responsibility on the children’s shoulders
4. Prepare something relaxing, like a simple bath with PRIVACY, bonus if you set up her fav show for her viewing pleasure
5. Don’t expect her to cook ON MOTHER’S DAY (seriously, how is this still happening?)
6. Plan something she actually enjoys, not what you think moms “should” want
7. Finally book that therapy session to start working on yourself
8. Actually do the damn work in therapy instead of just showing up
9. Take family photos that aren’t blurry, don’t have your thumb in the corner, or cut off half her face
10. Handle ALL child-related interruptions for the entire day
11. Don’t make her fake excitement over a gift she clearly doesn’t want
12. Clean the house BEFORE Mother’s Day, not as the “gift”
13. Skip the “breakfast in bed” if it means she’ll be cleaning egg off the ceiling later
14. Remember that one day doesn’t make up for 364 days of imbalance Stop saying “but you’re not MY mother” (we all know what you meant)
15. Don’t turn Mother’s Day into just another Sunday where she does everything
16. Know that she may not want to do ANYTHING and make that happen
17. Accept that she might want to do NOTHING on Mother’s Day and make that happen without guilt trips
18. Buy her noise-canceling headphones so she can tune the whole family out when needed
19. Allow her to be sad on Mother’s Day – it can bring up complicated emotions
20. Don’t expect performative joy over your poorly chosen gift
21. Let her sleep in without the kids “surprising” her at 6 AM Skip the Mother’s Day crafts if they’ll just become clutter she feels guilty about throwing away
22. Make a card with the kids without mom having to supply the materials or clean up the mess
23. If she gives you a list of what she wants, STICK TO THE LIST – no need for “creative” alternatives!
24. Skip the lingerie – Mother’s Day isn’t about your fantasies Declare a “mom does nothing day” and actually follow through on it

Gifts and Gestures That Actually Matter

1. Write an actual note that’s not just “Happy Mother’s Day”
2. Order takeout without asking her what she wants 17 times
3. Actually play music she enjoys now, not what you think she liked five years ago
4. Run her a bath without asking – bonus if you pick up some bath salts (but we’ll take the bath regardless!)
5. Send her to the movies with her bestie or ALONE
6. Give her genuine kudos in front of your kids (let them hear you appreciate her)
7. Remember that “free time” doesn’t mean giving her a list of errands to run without the kids
8. Avoid any gift related to cleaning or household chores (no vacuum cleaners!)
9. Figure out something she actually needs without asking her 20 questions
10. Help declutter without just making more piles or asking “is this important?” every 30 seconds

Taking Responsibility

1. Learn to listen without judgment or unsolicited advice – sometimes she just needs to vent
2. Remember the kids’ clothing sizes without asking mom
3. Save the pediatrician’s name and phone number in your contacts (and actually use them)
4. Book appointments for your kiddos and take them yourself
5. Remember which kid is allergic to what
6. Manage the family calendar for a month without forgetting anything
7. Handle school forms and permission slips (completely and on time)
8. Know what “pack a lunch” actually means (hint: not just chips and cookies)
9. Don’t turn basic parenting into “babysitting your own kids”
10. Understand that “I’m fine” rarely means she’s actually fine
11. Remember that “whatever you want to do” isn’t helpful when she’s always the planner
12. Remember that “I made plans for us” shouldn’t create more work for her
13. Plan a full day, not just the morning (motherhood doesn’t end at noon)

Things Not To Do (Ever, But Especially on Mother’s Day)

1. Don’t make comments about how “easy” she has it when you take over for one day
2. Skip the “you should be grateful” attitude when you do the bare minimum
3. Don’t post about what an amazing mom she is on social media while she’s handling everything in real life
4. Don’t spend the day playing video games or watching sports while she “relaxes”
5. Avoid the “but I did what you asked” defense when you clearly missed the point
6. Don’t guilt her when your “surprise” doesn’t get the reaction you expected
7. Don’t buy her gifts that are actually for you or the kids
8. Don’t ask “are you sure that’s what you want?” when she tells you her preference
9. Don’t make passive-aggressive comments about how much the day cost
10. Stand up for her when your family knocks her down – heck, when ANYONE knocks her down
11. Skip the “motherhood is your greatest achievement” speeches if she’s told you otherwise
12. Don’t create a social media-worthy day that’s actually miserable in reality
13. Don’t text her asking which kind of chocolate/wine/gift card she wants while you’re at the store
14. Don’t make tokenistic ‘happy mother’s day’ statements on collective friend or family chats and then do an awful job at a meaningful gesture for the woman who actually matters most: your partner

Planning and Preparation

1. Remember that Mother’s Day is the same Sunday every May, not a surprise
2. Keep the kids from spoiling any surprises without making it her problem
3. Remember that a “day off” means ALL day, not just until noon
4. Understand that “relaxing” doesn’t include listening to you complain about the kids
5. Skip Mother’s Day brunch with extended family if she doesn’t want to go
6. Understand that not all women want to celebrate being a mother in the same way
7. Remember that her relationship with her own mother might make the day difficult
8. Understand that forced family fun isn’t actually fun for everyone

BONUS! Deeper Understanding

Realize the biggest gift is self-reflection and doing the damn work to unlearn what needs changing

Remember, Mother’s Day is not about the one day – it’s about showing appreciation, sharing responsibilities, and giving her the respect she deserves every single day of the year. Women are tired of carrying the emotional load, being the planners, and the magic makers for everyone else.

We’re exhausted!
The mental load is crushing, and we need men to do their part by working on themselves, owning their shit, and realizing this is about more than just helping keep the house running—it’s about partnership, connection, and having someone feel truly seen. That cannot happen through shallow attempts at appreciation once a year, or for some women, no attempts at all.

Neurodivergent families

For families with neurodivergent members, remember that celebrations look different for everyone. The pressure around special days can create unnecessary stress. Value comfort over spectacle, familiarity over surprise, and calm consideration over grand gestures. Neurodivergent mothers and children especially need partners who understand their unique needs and create supportive environments every day, not just on Mother’s Day.

So seriously, at least get Mother’s Day right for once!