Loving Your parts with Roxanna
Meet Roxanna
I’ve been a photographer in Vancouver for 11 years now and for the majority of my work has been personal brand photography. In the last few years I have been blurring the lines with what is typical personal branding (think someone at their laptop working) with something more creative and artistic inspired by editorial magazines like Kinfolk and NUVO.
To be clear, if you are here for personal branding photos both are valid ways to present yourself and your business, you get to show up how you want to. Though I think you can have artistic portraits that also work for other purposes. As an artist I’ve been gently nudging people to try something new, and this post is a beautiful of example of what can happen when we do personal brand photography in an unconventional way.
The honest truth is you can often find me saying I don’t even love being tied to a genre as they can be so limiting. This photoshoot truly embodies what happens when you mix genres, brining in intimate portraits + personal branding. Also make sure not to skim when you read as I can assure you every word Roxanna has shared is worth taking time to savour.
Meet Roxanna, a registered Social Worker and Counsellor who was ready for a second photoshoot with me. This round Roxanna wanted to not only update her website, but also wanted to document this stage in her life. Roxanna came to me curious, with an open heart and open mind allowing creativity to take the lead with less attachment to the end results and more energy being poured into being present with herself.
There was no big production, no hair and makeup, no over the top wardrobe options (which can all be fun too!). Roxanna showed up as she is, brought simple wardrobe pieces that she felt comfortable in, there was good music and lots of play and laughter, which for me is always a recipe for amazing photos in the end.
Roxanna is such a cool human and I know you are going to really enjoy reading about her reflections in this blog post where she shares about self acceptance and being curious about what lies within ourselves. So without further ado here is my interview with the amazing Roxanna Farnsworth!
“
I’m beyond done with the bullshit story that I am too much.
I believe I am lovable now, thank fuck.
Tell our readers a bit about yourself
I always wonder how to describe myself in the About Me part of the world. I quickly get lost in all the options, then boil it down to labels for sanity sake (mine mostly but probably others too).
I am a white, genderqueer woman, Queer, Kinky, Non-monogamous, Parent (and homelearner), Partner, Daughter, Friend, Therapist. I am a lover of dancing while listening to music at full blast in the kitchen, car, and with friends.
LOVE a good cuddle. I thrive at pilates, even when I bitch about going I’m always grateful to feel my body move and be strong. I have chronic health and pain-related illnesses. I’m also neurodivergent and holding my c-ptsd with as much gentleness as possible. My main coping is reading, I love books so much but have a special spot for spicy books or something that will make me laugh.
What bullshit story about yourself are you done with?
I’m beyond done with the bullshit story that I am too much. I believe I am lovable now, thank fuck.
But the too much story clung tighter. I’m still shedding the shitty belief that I have to be digestible for everyone. On an intellectual level I KNOW I am too much for some people and that that is absolutely ok. My brain still likes to pull me into old stories that in order for me to be safe, other’s have to accept me, which usually means I need to adjust how I show up (aka shrink the fuck out of myself) for other’s comfort. I’m done with that.
“
These portraits are a part of my journey to feeling like
I belong. With me. To me.
I am mine and get to decide how I present myself to the world.
What does self acceptance mean for you?
Self acceptance is a tricky one for me. Since the pregnancy and birth of my third child I have struggled with body dysmorphia. It ebbs and flows with the level of intensity, and overall is getting better. One of the things that has helped me is focusing on a part, vs the whole body.
While I might not be able to tap into loving my body, I can accept the parts. I can accept and embrace the parts I appreciate. I think this is a great starting point! Being able to see these parts in images continues to help me move closer to loving it all. When my brain starts to talk shit about a body part, I can redirect towards a part I do appreciate, like, or dare I say love. I can focus on being grateful for what my body has done and continues to do.
Acceptance is knowing this is how I look right now, and that even if I don’t feel love for my whole body, my body still deserves care and kindness just as it is right now.
A therapeutic practice I do is when I feel good about a body part, I try to frame it/highlight it in a picture. With intention to lighting, filters, position, etc. I try to create what I feel. It doesn’t always work, and I do end up with a ton of pics of specific parts lol. It helps to have reminders of glimmers. Those feel good moments need help to stay present longer sometimes.
You’re the artist of your own life, What are these
portraits documenting?
These portraits are a part of my journey to feeling like I belong. With me. To me. I am mine and get to decide how I present myself to the world.
I’m all over the place with my desires for what this looks like, mostly due to fighting societal standards that oppose my desires directly. This push/pull duality led me to seeking images that I felt at home with or excited about when looking at them. I hold a lot of different roles in this body, and I don’t want to feel shame towards any of them. These pictures are about embracing all the parts that make me, me.
What does presence mean for you?
This question evokes images of breathing. Of being able to breathe deeply, calmly, and with intention.
I find presence is much like breath, in that it changes based on what is going on inside the body, and around outside the body in any given moment. Can I stay present with myself and those I am around? Sometimes yes, and other times I need support to do that.
“
While I might not be able to tap into loving my body, I can accept the parts.
I can accept and embrace the parts I appreciate.
I think this is a great starting point!
Why do you think it’s important to document our stories
at different stages of our lives?
The one constant for sure thing in life is change. How we navigate that change is uniquely ours. Yet we are not the first nor will we be the last. I have found my permission to grow or accept a change in myself through others sharing their journey with me (either personally or via a book, documentary, picture etc.).
what advice do you have for others working towards not
giving a shit of how others perceive them?
I love authenticity and vulnerability! When in doubt be as authentically you as you can be, while simmering in curiosity and kindness. It’s an absolute privilege to express yourself, and doing so will support others who are unsure or who aren’t safe to do the same to see and feel hope.
If these images were in a gallery dedicated to you,
what would the exhibition be called?
I’d want it to be called something simple, like Woman. Because “woman” is a spectrum. How being a woman is experienced and expressed is so much more than what is sold and told in social media.
I wished I had had more access to the beautiful range that women are from a younger age!
YOu said you like to read, can you share a spicy book recommendation?
A book that is both spicy and funny is the Butcher and Blackbird trilogy (serial killers who kill serial killers together), just silliness is Dungeon Crawler Carl, my book boyfriend is in Lights Out, and if you want a brain tingle I highly recommend The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (need to be gentle about the first half which moves slower to get to the juicy brain tingly bits at the end).
YOu know I am a big music lover, can you leave us with
a song that always gets you grooving?
Ooof a song is HARD! I love so many. Cruise by Roya (I love them, it’s a couple who create lovely music together), actually most of their music gets me moving. If I really want to jam I cater to my mood. If I’m missing my sister I’ll pump old Mumford and Sons (and smoke pot). If I want to feel like a stripper I put on grindy edm/bass.
WHere you can find Roxanna
Roxanna offers counseling for those wanting to explore all the parts of themselves including kink and unconventional relations through a trauma informed lens.
Check out what Roxanna offers in her counselling practice here: https://www.curatecounselling.com/
I told you Roxanna is cool!
See what I mean, what a rad human Roxanna is! I have read her answers to my questions before but today as I formatted this blog post I felt so moved by every reflection she has shared here, so openly.
If you were reading this feeling like you wish you could also embrace your parts, please know you can!
It takes time, practice, self compassion and those itty bitty baby steps towards not giving a fuck what others think, which I know is easier said than done.
Thanks so much Roxanna for trusting me, creating with me and sharing all of this for others to see the possibility of how we can slowly move towards what I would say is self liberation from all that bullshit society has layered onto us!
Here’s a big Fuck Yeah! to all you shared my friend!
As you can see from the amazing photos we created together, these portraits are intimate and can be used for so many different purposes: website, socials, wall art you name it! I didn’t box Roxanna into what is expected of a ‘personal brand’ or ‘boudoir’ label, instead we kept things open and went with the creative flow to see what would unfold organically through creative self exploration.
If this is your jam then don’t hesitate to reach out, cause you too can have images like this, you just gotta be ready to play!
Thanks for Reading!
Hi, I’m Michele Mateus, award-winning photographer based in Vancouver, BC creating bold, evocative, editorial portraits for people who want anything but ordinary.
If something here hit the right note, let’s talk!
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