Book Review of “Can’t Not Won’t” by Eliza Fricker
A Hug of Solidarity: My Review of
“Can’t Not Won’t” by Eliza Fricker
Reading Eliza Fricker’s “Can’t Not Won’t” felt like receiving a warm hug from someone who truly gets it,
and it was a hug I REALLY needed. While the child in Fricker’s story isn’t going through exactly the same
things as our child, the similarities were striking, and more importantly, the challenge of fighting an
educational system that wasn’t built for kids like ours was portrayed with painful accuracy.
Oh and before I dive into the review I do want to say I struggle with reading and this book was such an easy quick read (my only complaint is the fonts are small for my aging eyes, time for reading glasses!) so if you think you don’t have time for another book, trust me when I say you can zip right through this one!
When You Find Your Story in Someone Else’s Words
I could have written parts of this book myself. That recognition hit me within the first few pages and never let up. Fricker captures the exhaustion, the frustration, and the desperate advocacy that becomes your daily reality when your child can’t—not won’t—attend mainstream school. Her gentle illustrations and honest reflections document a journey that left us, like so many families, feeling we had no choice but to remove our child from the traditional school system.
Reframing the Language That Matters
One of this book’s greatest gifts is how it helped me reframe my own language around “school avoidance” and seeing that this avoidance was not simply about not wanting to go to school. The distinction between “can’t,” “not,” and “won’t” isn’t just semantics, I would honestly say it’s revolutionary, and you know how much I love that kind of energy!
When people ask why our child isn’t still in, and or when he will return to a brick-and-mortar school (and let me tell you they ALWAYS ask), I now have a framework that helps me explain without defensiveness or lengthy justifications.
This shift has been transformative not just for external conversations, but for how I understand and support my own child, which for the record I am still learning to do through my own deschooling process, more on that to come.
Who Needs to Read This Book
With all my heart I thin this book should be read by EVERYONE.
Every educator needs to understand WHY these experiences exist and that they are more common than they realize. Maybe be reading this book educators will become more compassionate advocates for the children in their classrooms.
Every parent should read it because chances are your child knows a child going through this, and be you reading this book you can then help your kiddo better support their friend.
Parents currently fighting for their children will find the support and validation they desperately need, I know I did.
The gentle way Fricker presents her family’s journey makes it accessible even to those who haven’t lived it, while providing deep comfort to those who have.
An Authentic Voice in a Sea of Clinical Resources
Something I loved about Fricker’s book is her gentle and honest, and not clinical approach because as a mother
who also is AuDHD when things get too clinical my eyes cross, my brain shuts down and I need a nap!
She doesn’t try to be the expert with all the answers, and there are plenty of other books for that already. Instead, she offers a genuine reflection of what she and her child went through to try to stay in a system that simply wasn’t built for kids like theirs. This authenticity touched me to my core. Like I said above, it felt like a hug I really needed.
I’ve recommended this book to countless people and will continue to do so. In a landscape where families often feel isolated and misunderstood, “Can’t Not Won’t” serves as both mirror and beacon of hope, reminding us we’re not alone and that our experiences, and our child’s experiences matter.
My Recommendation
Get the book, read it, share it, read it again, gift it to people!
It’s a quick read that packs an emotional hug and offers practical insights wrapped in genuine compassion.
Eliza Fricker has given families like ours something precious: the knowledge that someone gets it, someone has walked this path, and someone cares enough to share their story so others feel less alone.
What did You THink?
What did you think of this review? Have you read “Can’t Not Won’t” or do you have book recommendations for me?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
And if you found this review helpful, please consider sharing it with others who might benefit from discovering this important book.
Thanks for being here!
Thanks for Reading!
Hi, I’m Michele Mateus, award-winning photographer based in Vancouver, BC creating bold, evocative, portraits and personal brand photography with an editorial flair for people who want anything but ordinary.
If something here hit the right note, let’s talk!
Leave a Reply